Grindr

Whether you're after "dates, mates, fun" or even "only chats" and a possible "pic swap" it would be folly to expect any gay man has not heard of this app.  Grindr is basically a prolific orgy of gay men, crammed into one space and granted permission to do as they wish.  The result is an addictive display of online human interaction, which often leaves me puzzled on how men think.  The aim of the game for some is to get laid, others to make friends and the rest are undecided. You will find a large group of under age youths desperately trying to make contact with other gays.  You get everyone from the closet to their deathbed.  It is a mixing pot of gays.  It is also dangerous, seedy and requires more attention.  Why?  Because it is shaping a culture and influencing the younger generations negatively.  Grindr is like porn, it creates unrealistic expectations of life.  It promotes racist and even homophobic attitudes (yes, gays hating on gays) while it continues to infiltrate deep into gay culture.

My biggest concern is what Grindr does to those who are new to the gay scene.  It is often their first port-of-call when it comes to exploring their sexuality or even interacting with people like them.  I say this because I was one of those people.  I used the app neither sex or for dates but to find gay friends.  I am not longer that 16 year old boy lying about his age and I am fortunate to be mature and eager enough to learn fast about the gay community, but I would be lying if I said Grindr didn't have a negative impact on my life back then.  It is too easy to mix with the wrong people, I was lucky enough to have a strong moral compass then but some people my age are easily influenced by others.  Quite simply Grindr is not for those under 18 and it should not be peoples first glimpse of the gay community!

We fail to pay attention to anyone outside the 18-30 year old age bracket and because of this we leave our most vulnerable community members open to harm.  There are movements to support gay youths across the globe.  Trevorspace and the Trevorproject  are prime examples of how gays are coming together to support the most vulnerable in our community.  Yet youth are still finding themselves on apps like Grindr.  Are we failing the younger generation?  Are we setting them up to believe being gay means that acting like some of the filth on Grindr is the norm?  We are, and it is because we fail to run successful programs where Gay youth can interact normally.  We need local events targeted at those gay and under 18, we need global sites where the same age group can interact in a safe and friendly environment and we need those who are older to welcome these people into a community of gays who had to fight for their rights and not for their bodies.  And if we have these things already in existence we need to sell them, market them, fund-raise for them and make them work.  Why?  Because a Grindr culture is a xenophobic, unrealistic culture and we must prevent Gay youth from thinking that is what being homosexual is all about, because it plainly isn't.

For those who are old enough to know better and are reading this I beg you to help the new generation of gays.  For those who are young and feel isolated and alone I ask you please do not turn to Grindr but use sites like Trevorspace, turn to community groups or even come to people like me.  We are here to help and we are the better option.  Regardless of your age you must respect everyone, act in their best interests and most importantly have some level of morale.  Be proud.

If you're under 18 here is a site I first went to.
https://www.trevorspace.org/

10 Things Not To Do On Grindr

Grindr is an app of mystery and seediness but despite its main use of being a whore gathering place it has a set of rules which if you wish to be a successful sluzza you must follow.

1. Faceless Photo's are a no-no.

Nice pecs... wheres the rest?

Nobody likes talking to the headless horseman. Be polite and show that pretty little face.

2. Blank Profiles get blank responses 

If you want to know how to grindr everyone's gears do this (hilarious I know).  People will most likely think you're the police trying to track the local beat-users and you will be blocked.

3. Dick Pic greetings

It's not even pretty

Wangs ain't pretty and yours is not special.  Simple.

4. "Horny?"

at least he said hi?

Is this a new form of greeting I am unaware of?  Often my response is "hungry!"

5. A lack information is not an invitation

Riggghtttt...

Nobody will ever want to be balls deep inside someone without an age, race, height, about me and body type.  Show yours.

6. Random complements.

Need I say more?

Urhh, uhhmmm, thanks?

7. Corny Pickup lines

I was talking to Tyker Oakley, I regret nothing!

Honey, that didn't work on the last 14 guys and it wont work on him. (heart broken)

8. General creepiness.

You're a dickward

Please, just don't!

9. Repeat messaging.

I'm not responding.

Just get the message, no.

10. Lying or trolling

I thought we were better than that

I can't even

Don't be rude, we wanna get nude!

And there you have it.  The what nots of Grindr.  Common sense really....
I thank the Grindr folk of Perth for their endless display of awkwardness, rudeness and penis photos.

Gaymers

It's rare that anything interesting will ever result from a match on Tinder but this week I was fortunate enough to be matched with and messaged by one very attractive guy (like so damn attractive I can't even).  He exposed me to something new and something gay.  Gaymers, a sect of the gay community unknown to me for far too long.  I often hear about the gay scene being incestuous, bitchy and rather unpleasant.  I have experienced the cliques, I've witnessed the exclusive attitudes and I've been exposed to the bitchiness.  Yet I was invited into a new community of gamers' with open arms.  For the record I would not classify myself as a gamer, I haven't actively participated in gaming for years.  I also don't enjoy watching anime and I was not aware K-Pop even existed until recently.  I have very little in common with these people in that sense.  Regardless it was all irrelevant.  They don't care about how you look, what you're into or who you sleep with.  They only care about your personality and how you treat others.

A quick background on the Gaymer Guild.  From what I was told it was established as a judgement-free university group for gays who like to game.  Makes sense right?  This is exactly what it is and how nice does that sound?  I found a group of people who I don't have to fear and I've made friends who I know I can keep.  Some would suggest these are the outcasts of the mainstream gay community.  Many of them don't go clubbing and for some it has been years since they set foot in The Court.  It's because they want to get away from that culture that can easily chew you up and spit you out.

So I arrived and for the first three or four hours I sat there socially awkward around a bunch of guys doing nothing more than playing games together. I was nicknamed "The Quiet Achiever" (do I sense jealously over my Mario Kart skills?).  I feel rather stupid now, I had no reason to be like that.  As soon as I got to loosen up, well there was no going back.  I bonded with my new friends over Sharknado as some of the others were watching and passionately singing along to Frozen.  It was an amazing night followed by a fun morning of Adventure Time, Grindr talk and medical education from the guilds creator/passionate nurse and from what I've heard also an amazing person in general.  Definitely an experience worth having and repeating!

The entire gay community can learn from this group.  Whether you call them nerds, geeks or gaymers they are good people who respect everyone unconditionally.  Some are odd, they have their quirks and habits and they don't all look like AC models or the love child of Zac Efron and Channing Tatum but that all becomes irrelevant when you realise they're warm, caring and loving people (as corny as it sounds). They're real friends with a real support network and what I witnessed although isn't a perfect scene, it is something we all as a community should try to strive for.  Play hard and be proud!

Redheads

Reppin' that ginge

Fanta Pubes, Carrot Top, Ranga and Ginger are just some of the words used to describe this mysterious race of outcasts and I just happen to be one.  Being blessed with a tinge of the ginge is something that will guarantee you a life of comments, stereotypes and no, it is not 'strawberry blonde', being a red head makes me no different to anyone else, I am after all human and I do have a soul despite popular belief.  Yet, with my limited and information-packed experience within the gay community, I have found an interesting reaction to my mutant gene. It's a reaction that I have never experienced before when dealing with straight society.  It seems that being a redhead is almost a type of fetish for many gays I've met.

It's fair to say being different will result in a lot of crap coming your way and the world-wide bullying has resulted in a push for the redhead image to be changed.  We are not ugly, gross, alien or stupid and we do not deserve to be treated differently for something we are born with.  Being ranga is like being gay, we have to adapt to the jokes, the snares and the occasional bullying.  We have to take what makes us different and wear it with pride.  That's why I call my self a fag, a homo, a ranga, a ginger because I am these things and it is no insult to call me them.  Yet being a ginger does not always result in negative treatment.

The sexual curiosity that dwells within many non-redhead gays results in a rather flattering treatment at times.  Most of it is formed by myths and legends that create a stereotype for those with ginger hair.  It is flattering to be desired, this we can all agree on.  I enjoy being called a 'cute redhead'. I enjoy having people who make my hair colour something that's attractive and not disgusting but it's time to crack this stereotype wide open. 

The most frequently asked question I get is "Do rangas have red pubes?"  Uhh.. Yes!  Generally (but not always) your body hair will match the hair on your head, which makes me deem this also as the most annoying and stupid question of them all (although it is asked usually as an attempt to get a look at something else).  Following this is "Is it true what they say about red heads ;) ?" My penis size is not determined by my hair colour.  People with red hair have a variety of different shaped penises, all of them which you should enjoy.  So are all red heads hung?  Science says no!  So there you have it guys, the two biggest sources of curiosity answered.  Although this is all objectively speaking and although personal experience may lead you to believe otherwise that is just a matter of coincidence.

Now comes for the part I cannot answer as science or common sense has not yet explored this.  Are red heads sexy?  Are they good in bed?  Do they do things better?  Do they have short tempers?  There was one study to suggest we feel pain differently but the mysteries of the ranga are still yet to be explored by science.  There is one thing I can assure you and it is the message of this weeks blog.  Redheads are human, we are like everyone else and deserve the same expectations and treatment.  We should not be stereotyped or outcast and we deserve respect.  If you are a person who hates rangas because of their hair colour you're no better than a man who hates gays because of their sexuality or a woman who hates Asians because of their race!  This goes especially out to those who are gay and discriminate against people, you are what hold us back.

As for my experience of being a redhead, it will always be fascinating to see how something rare is treated so differently. As for my experience of being gay I will always be fighting off those 'ranga-chasers' and gay haters.  Be proud!

Running from those Ranga Chasers!