Recently I have been having a lot of conversations about love and I have noticed that it is not exactly the universal feeling that some may claim it is. I found it strange to hear a friend say that they were not in love with their partner of over six months, as if it was very normal and expected. It was unexpected and similar to when someone claims they are in love after only a few dates. Perhaps it is that through media and modern culture we have completely conditioned and framed what it is to be in love and anything seen outside of that is disregarded? Perhaps someone can be in love for a few weeks and that 'love at first sight' feeling is more genuine than perhaps the love in a 4 year relationship? Love after all is completely relevant to the individual and it would be unfair to try and rationalise someones feelings. There is, of course, a flip side. That perhaps there has been such a misuse and misunderstanding of this feeling that we get caught up in lust, and struggle through love lost with someone because that is what is expected. That a long term relationship can be built upon social demands and that a love at first sight scenario is nothing more than pubescent chemicals gone wild.
Personally I have watched my own comprehension of this emotion evolve and adapt through many situations. I still recall what it is like to attach to someone after one date and fall head over heels. I still remember the pain of what it is like when there isn't a second date. I look back at it now and laugh, to me it seemed so ridiculous yet I know at the time if someone was to challenge how I felt to say I'd be simply insulted would be an understatement. But is it just that I have become more cynical and jaded? That while experiencing years of gay dating has just left me unattached and skeptical? Well, perhaps but after almost a year in a relationship with a man I believe I am still quite infatuated with I honestly am left unable to answer that question. My feelings from then and now are very different. I'd like to think it is a result of adulthood and that I have become better rounded and more mature. Yet it always lurks that perhaps through all the love I have lost, along with that I lost my ability to love the same.
I suppose in time I will find out. For now I am happy, I am in love and I do not want that to change.
