Sports? How Gay!

Sound the final siren because this game is over!  Sporting in Australia has received a blow to its homophobic atmosphere with our much beloved swim star, Ian Thrope coming out as gay.  It came as no surprise to most of us, speculations over his sexuality had been going on since he was only a teenager and now with this recent news a new era for Australian sport can begin.  He has not only outed himself but he has outed an entire community that has done nothing but stand still as the world progresses around them.  People have the right to be open about their sexuality, yet in the sporting world that right is only given to those who are purely heterosexual.  Why?  I'd think it has something to do with straight men being insecure of their own sexuality.  It is because everyone presents themselves as black or white but in reality most people are a shade of grey.  Men are told they must be men, any sign of femininity essentially strips them of their masculinity and as we know, sports, especially team sports, are a testosterone filled sausage-fests where masculinity is associated with skill!

So why is Thorpe's coming out so significant?  It is because he has swum against the current.  He lived a life of depression and anxiety because he could not openly be his true self and he is not alone.  Sporting greats whether it be Matthew Mitcham, Tom Daley or even Robbie Rogers have all endured homophobia in the sporting arena.  This is not just an issue isolated within professional sporting, it goes deep down into the grass root community clubs that many of us grew up with.  We need to promote acceptance of those who are gay in sports.  We need to help create comfortable environments for people of all sexualities and most importantly we need to remove this backwards and homophobic attitude that seems to dominate male sports.

In Australia 1 in 10 people are gay.  So we should expect at least one homosexual in every football, soccer or rugby team.  I assure you there are plenty of gay athletes out there, yet for some strange coincidence almost only straight men have ended up as professional athletes.  I am not suggesting that gay athletes are being actively discriminated against or that their sexuality is being used to deny them the ability succeed in their field.  I am suggesting however, that gay athletes don't come out because they're afraid of the treatment and backlash they'll receive as a result.  If you need any proof that homophobia is rampant in sports allow me to remind you of the AFL commentator who referred to a player as a "poofter" because he believed this players waving technique was effeminate.  This is no longer acceptable.

Through writing this blog I have met many people and heard many stories but one story about an English soccer player inspired me to write on this subject.  He is hardly out to his friends, if anything only a select handful know.  After training and games he makes sure he is the first or last to shower, if he isn't he has to experience a room full of team mates making homoerotic gestures and suggestions as jokes.  It makes him uncomfortable .  When you are gay the last thing you need are straight team mates making a joke out of your sexuality.  You can never learn to trust them or believe they'll still support you the same way if they were to know who you truly are, especially if they think what you like is nothing but a funny joke.  Homosexuality isn't a joke, being homosexual does not make you any less of a man and femininity isn't a crime or something to be ashamed about.  Gay men in sports are just the same as straight men in sports.  It's about damn time they start being treated that way.

Regardless of what code you support, if you pay, watch or can't stand the sight of sport there is a message still to spread.  Homosexuals should not be forced into hiding their sexuality.  If a straight man has the right to be openly straight then a gay man has the right to be openly gay. It's time we start viewing people for their abilities and not their sexuality.  It's time we support others and most importantly be proud!

Dating and Romance and Love! Oh my!

The mysterious world of dating is something that nobody seems to be able to get their head around.  Whether it be the constant questioning of what is a date, when is it time to have sex or if you're offical yet, it can be easy to quickly become overwhelmed by it all, especially if it's your first time.  There is a huge change between those high school years where you are each others boyfriend even before the first date, and adult life where you don't even know if you want a boyfriend or not.  As technology and society changes, new ways to meet and date people open up before you, but this comes with its complications.  For us gays it is even harder to find 'the one' as a small population indulged in a promiscuous culture definitely drys up the dating pool, which by this stage is more of a puddle.  Yet we still find adorable gay couples walking their dogs down Beaufort street or plastering their icky, gooey love all over social media (making us hopeless romantics incredibly jealous) and sometimes you even see them on amazing dates which just make you want to punch yourself in the genitals.  Dating, it sucks!  But if a relationship is the goal dating is the route there.

First to remove a myth about dating.  You are never too young or too old for a relationship or to date, don't think that you have to sleep around before you settle down.  Relationships are all about sharing yourself with another person and when you're ready to experience that then you are ready.  I started dating the moment I came out because I knew that sleeping around was not for me but you have to be careful who you date and where you meet them.  Dating people off apps like Grindr and Tinder is always risky, you can never, ever form any attachment until you know their true motives.  This becomes a huge problem when it comes to the world of online dating, you know as much about them as their picture, profile and a few words spoken can tell you.  You can't read their body language (emojis are NOT body language), you can't feel a connection.  Generally people you meet online become the person you have searched for, chosen and then manufactured inside your head.  Often when you meet them in person things don't always run so smoothly.  The best dating experiences I have had have always been with those I met in person first, It's just with them you instantly know what you are in for.

Dating friends is not as bad as people make it out to be, as long as you are both mature and open to each other.  Remember dating doesn't always end how you want it to or expect it to but not always is it because of the other person, sometimes you are the problem. You must always consider the fact they had something that made you want to spend your life with them and if you come out of it all thinking they're the worst person in the world you must still be an adult about it.  This I am still slowly learning to do but the benefits from it outweighs the effort.  A huge downfall in the world of gay dating is that people are afraid to form crushes.  I rarely hear guys talk about how they get butterflies at the sound of their crushes name or all they can think about is being with their date.  Romance is NOT dead, don't be afraid to be romantic or even feel things for another person.  Through doing this you will become more open to being hurt, women have it right when they say men are dicks but it is necessary and a part of life.  This is why you need to find someone who is after what you're after.

You must be open with each other.  It is important to establish that you are dating for the same reason or else you'll both be taken for a ride and more or less someone will get hurt.  Many times have I dated with the intention of forming a relationship only to get shot down by the words "I don't want anything serious".   It always puzzles me, why date if you don't want anything serious?  Never be afraid to ask the other person what they want and if it is not the same as what you want, don't try to change them just leave them!  You don't want to just date any boy you fancy, you want a man, an adult who will treat you right.  As for any dickhead that goes out there with the intention of screwing other people over and leading them on, you are the problem.  Please fix yourself.

A relationship is about each other.  When you are in one you will do things for the other person that you hate.  You will get angry at them but still want to hold them tight.  You will feel the urge to say "fuck it" and end it all but you wont.  They make you feel special, you both will make time for each other even if it means a few hours sleep before work.  You are completely open, you have no secrets, you trust each other and you will slowly fall in love. And although you will meet others who may look better or are more intelligent than your boyfriend you must remember there are people who are smarter and more attractive than you, yet he still chose you and you still chose him.

please stop being cute, I just cant even!

As for love I have never got to truly experience it.  I do believe in love at first sight, but loving a person is very different from being in love with a person.  The closest I got to love was when someone convinced me I was in love with them.  Never force someone to say those words, it will taint them for the rest of their lives.  There are lessons to learn from dating, you will do it and probably a lot of it.  You will feel amazing and you will also get hurt.  Never change yourself for anyone and never lead someone on.  When you do finally meet someone who is right you will know and they will become the center of your world.  Regardless of how they look or act they become the most beautiful and perfect creation you'll ever come across.

What's that guy doing with my future husband? 

Now for us who are single and hopeless go!  Go binge on chocolate and ice cream until someone comes into your life.  Be proud and be happy, regardless of your relationship status.

STIs. They're back and it's our fault.

It is time to wake up and smell the infection!  An epidemic is on our hands and we only have ourselves to blame.  STI's and STD's are making an unfashionable comeback, and just like shoulder pads, ankle warmers and Perez Hilton it's time to put them back in the closet to never be seen again.  So why the comeback?  Well it's nothing sudden, the rate of infection has been increasing across most common types of diseases and infections (excluding syphilis which has been dropping) but it is fair to say my generation has a lot to do with it.  We are the generation that missed out on the "AIDs is death" campaign, we live in a time where most things are easily curable and we are profoundly ignorant at times.  It is quite easy to blame the government and catholic education for this slow rise, and I agree that these things are not taught well enough in schools.  It's still taboo and that's where we step in.  STI's are only scary to catch, not to talk about.  So talk!  Talk to your friends, new people to the community and strangers even.  Talk about them, educate people and made sure they get tested and use protection.

I stress this topic as I have witnessed friends all around me catch things and it is not pretty.  I watch as they do stupid things and I constantly lecture them to know better.  Now it could be that I surround myself with idiots, at times I do question that but I feel this is more an observation of the actions of a fearless generation that knows no better.  Bare backing with strangers and multiple random blow jobs are a sure way to catch something.  Let me break a myth here and now.  Blow jobs ARE a form of sex and oral sex CAN give you an STI.  #shockhorror

So in terms of prevention abstinence is always the unrealistic but 100% sure way to remain clean.  Following that is condoms and dental dams.  These will generally stop the nasty stuff.  Things like genital warts (HPV) and herpes (HSV) are skin contact viruses.  They're not curable but are treatable and will go dormant.  Before having sex make sure you trust the person and ask if they're are clean.  Chances are if you get something the other person was not aware they had it either.

Following prevention is detection.  It's simple, go to your local sexual health clinic and get tested.  They're judgement free zones and the process is quite simple.  You get a throat swab, an anal swab and if you are a female you will get a vaginal swab.  You get blood taken and they require a urine sample.  In a few days you will get a call, email or an appointment that will brief you on the results.  If you are clean well life goes on, if not treatment begins.

Treatment.  This should be the biggest deterrent. Lets start with the bad stuff.  HIV/AIDs are not curable but are treated with a retrograde medication ($$$), so you will still live a fairly normal life you'll just be forever tied down financially and sexually.  All the STIs like Chlamydia and Syphilis are curable.  Treatment is just an antibiotic that will make your life revolve around the nearest toilet for a few days.  Also depending on the treatment you may get a giant needle in the ass (fun).  So it is a painful treatment or lack of treatment just for things that are easily avoidable.  Still questioning that condom?

Finally do not be ashamed of catching something.  We need to remove the stigma behind STIs/STDs as they're so common chances are you'll catch one in your life time.  We need to get talking and put this on the agenda.  Especially within the gay community where infection rate is far higher than average.  So spread the word not the diseases.  Wrap a condom on and avoid those awkward conversations.  We are human,  sex happens and so do STIs so lets be proud, be smart and put an end to them!