Dating and Romance and Love! Oh my!

The mysterious world of dating is something that nobody seems to be able to get their head around.  Whether it be the constant questioning of what is a date, when is it time to have sex or if you're offical yet, it can be easy to quickly become overwhelmed by it all, especially if it's your first time.  There is a huge change between those high school years where you are each others boyfriend even before the first date, and adult life where you don't even know if you want a boyfriend or not.  As technology and society changes, new ways to meet and date people open up before you, but this comes with its complications.  For us gays it is even harder to find 'the one' as a small population indulged in a promiscuous culture definitely drys up the dating pool, which by this stage is more of a puddle.  Yet we still find adorable gay couples walking their dogs down Beaufort street or plastering their icky, gooey love all over social media (making us hopeless romantics incredibly jealous) and sometimes you even see them on amazing dates which just make you want to punch yourself in the genitals.  Dating, it sucks!  But if a relationship is the goal dating is the route there.

First to remove a myth about dating.  You are never too young or too old for a relationship or to date, don't think that you have to sleep around before you settle down.  Relationships are all about sharing yourself with another person and when you're ready to experience that then you are ready.  I started dating the moment I came out because I knew that sleeping around was not for me but you have to be careful who you date and where you meet them.  Dating people off apps like Grindr and Tinder is always risky, you can never, ever form any attachment until you know their true motives.  This becomes a huge problem when it comes to the world of online dating, you know as much about them as their picture, profile and a few words spoken can tell you.  You can't read their body language (emojis are NOT body language), you can't feel a connection.  Generally people you meet online become the person you have searched for, chosen and then manufactured inside your head.  Often when you meet them in person things don't always run so smoothly.  The best dating experiences I have had have always been with those I met in person first, It's just with them you instantly know what you are in for.

Dating friends is not as bad as people make it out to be, as long as you are both mature and open to each other.  Remember dating doesn't always end how you want it to or expect it to but not always is it because of the other person, sometimes you are the problem. You must always consider the fact they had something that made you want to spend your life with them and if you come out of it all thinking they're the worst person in the world you must still be an adult about it.  This I am still slowly learning to do but the benefits from it outweighs the effort.  A huge downfall in the world of gay dating is that people are afraid to form crushes.  I rarely hear guys talk about how they get butterflies at the sound of their crushes name or all they can think about is being with their date.  Romance is NOT dead, don't be afraid to be romantic or even feel things for another person.  Through doing this you will become more open to being hurt, women have it right when they say men are dicks but it is necessary and a part of life.  This is why you need to find someone who is after what you're after.

You must be open with each other.  It is important to establish that you are dating for the same reason or else you'll both be taken for a ride and more or less someone will get hurt.  Many times have I dated with the intention of forming a relationship only to get shot down by the words "I don't want anything serious".   It always puzzles me, why date if you don't want anything serious?  Never be afraid to ask the other person what they want and if it is not the same as what you want, don't try to change them just leave them!  You don't want to just date any boy you fancy, you want a man, an adult who will treat you right.  As for any dickhead that goes out there with the intention of screwing other people over and leading them on, you are the problem.  Please fix yourself.

A relationship is about each other.  When you are in one you will do things for the other person that you hate.  You will get angry at them but still want to hold them tight.  You will feel the urge to say "fuck it" and end it all but you wont.  They make you feel special, you both will make time for each other even if it means a few hours sleep before work.  You are completely open, you have no secrets, you trust each other and you will slowly fall in love. And although you will meet others who may look better or are more intelligent than your boyfriend you must remember there are people who are smarter and more attractive than you, yet he still chose you and you still chose him.

please stop being cute, I just cant even!

As for love I have never got to truly experience it.  I do believe in love at first sight, but loving a person is very different from being in love with a person.  The closest I got to love was when someone convinced me I was in love with them.  Never force someone to say those words, it will taint them for the rest of their lives.  There are lessons to learn from dating, you will do it and probably a lot of it.  You will feel amazing and you will also get hurt.  Never change yourself for anyone and never lead someone on.  When you do finally meet someone who is right you will know and they will become the center of your world.  Regardless of how they look or act they become the most beautiful and perfect creation you'll ever come across.

What's that guy doing with my future husband? 

Now for us who are single and hopeless go!  Go binge on chocolate and ice cream until someone comes into your life.  Be proud and be happy, regardless of your relationship status.