My Coming Out Story

My friends and I have a 'special' relationship.

This past week I have spent a lot of time talking to people who are still 'in the closet' or who are out but are afraid to be recognised as gay.  It has got me asking myself "why did I come out of the closet?"  Do we do it for self interest? Fear? Love?  Regardless why we do it we always come out a happier person.  Right?  Sadly even for those who do come out happier and free to be themselves some are bullied, neglected or ostracised into depression or even suicide.  To make it worse people view this as a reason to not come out.  A simple and important message to get across on this topic is do it when you are ready!  Do not expect sunshine and rainbows, a movie style family hug or a party to celebrate.  These things are not always the case.  Very rarely do I hear coming out stories that don't include "and I lost my friend" or "My family wont talk to me".  You will have to deal with bigots and homophones.  It is worth it. Why? Because you may lose everything you ever had but you are left with a clean slate and most importantly you are left happy! 

Me with my two good friends Shannan (right) and Amy (left)

Coming out was the best thing I had ever done.  It was over a month or two in mid 2013 (yes, not even that long ago).  The first person to ever know was my best friend Shannan, I told her as she dropped me off from school.  I was nervous and scared, I still don't know why.  I came out and she said "Oh OK".  She was a little surprised but not angry and she wasn't really phased by it a whole lot.  This started the upward spiral that was me coming out to my friends.  By the end of the year they all knew and they were all cool with it.  For our generation it appears to be a normal thing which makes me so lucky and thankful to those who fought for this.  A sad but simple truth is your female friends will be more accepting than your male friends, but they learn to cope and who knows maybe you coming out will help one of them come out.  I can happily say that when I came out to all my friends not one of them had any issues with it.  Not one of them abandoned me and not one of them treated me any differently.

If only my family was so accepting.

I was coming off that high you get after an amazing first date and I wanted to share.  I was feeling a type of happiness that I didn't know existed before.  So I told my sister Jade, I told her everything and she kept it a secret.  She was cool with it, although 12 years older than me she may as well have been my age but this gave me the confidence to do something I kind of wish I didn't.  I told my Mum.  A women who has always been loving and caring but due to her own ineptitude has left us with a strained relationship.  I told her over text and I got the response of "I love you regardless but are you sure?" I felt good, she didn't care and she loved me anyway right?  Wrong! 

My Mother is a sly woman and she isn't a smart woman either.  In her usual fashion she had to turn something that wasn't about her into a drama with my mother in the spotlight and my feelings on the sidelines.  She devised a little story in her head and used it as motive to tell every family member about my sexuality.  I'm happy, she did the hard work for me in that sense but I still have not forgiven her for what followed. Funnily enough it also made my sister Ashlee feel guilty for teasing me about being gay during my entire childhood.  My mother then targeted my friend, she blamed this all on him.  In her mind my sexuality was a product of another persons influence.  God-forbid she would have a gay son.  In comes alcohol and it is fair to say that the attacks I endured from my own mother has changed my view on her forever.  Worst of all she told my father before I was ready to let him know, he cried and we still do not talk about it.  Her excuse was to blame it all on other family members and that she was upset over the fact I will give her "no more grandchildren".  I pity her.

Following this I told my close family friends.  They were basically my fill-in family for when my real family weren't there.  They are hard-core conservatives and strong Christians.  I was most afraid to tell them.  Yet when I did all they said is 'we still love you'.  It is funny how the people who are most set up to hate gays were some of the most accepting.  They show me unconditional love on a daily basis, they are real family. 

My 'adoptive' sister Miranda and I.

That's my brief coming out story and from this there are lessons to be learnt.  When you are ready you may endure worse, better or even the same treatment.  You may be bullied or your life may go on.  Regardless you stay strong and keep living!  People have committed suicide because being in the closet has slowly hollowed away all happiness.  Don't risk that.  You can always change the people who surround you but you can't bring yourself back to life.  Coming out will allow you to reach your full potential.  No longer caring about what others think will allow you to be your true self.  You can follow a stereotype or not, you can do anything! Just be you!

My final piece of advice to those struggling.  Never be afraid to let go of people who are hurting you and don't be afraid to run.  There are people out there, people who are willing to help or professionals you can contact through variety of ways.  You have a voice, please never be afraid to use it.

Be happy and be proud!

Websites to go to;

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

http://www.mensline.org.au/

http://au.reachout.com/