A life is a beautiful thing. It is delicate, innocent and so very pure. We all tend to forget this through our day to day errands and we don't realise that behind our endless sea of work, homework, Facebook, and what ever else plagues our lives that we are our own masterpiece. It is very rare that we will take time to sit down and think "Shit, I have it good right now". Perhaps that is the problem. Life is not easy and it never will be. From birth to death you will be thrown curve balls from every direction. For some this can leave them hurt, battered and bruised for others they can manage to score a home run. How we deal with our issues doesn't make us better than anyone and how we don't deal with out issues doesn't make us a second class citizen. How we treat others is what we should be judged on and I don't just mean our friends but also our enemies. Life is a beautiful thing and you must make sure you take care of other lives the same way you would like someone to take care of your own.
I talk about life because I feel it is becoming under-appreciated. By that I don't just mean we forget the value of other lives too easily. I mean that we are forgetting the value of our own lives too easily. I often find myself forgetting that I am interconnected with many people. I don't realise the impact I have on others and by doing that I often don't realise my own self worth. It becomes so normal to think I am alone in this world and I would never lie and say that I have not been tempted to throw it all away. We have all been there, in our darkest moments. We have all had 'those' thoughts. And perhaps it is the fact that even while writing this the idea of mentioning the word suicide is too taboo. It is sad that we can't even openly talk about it. Not only is the topic frightening and morbid but is is socially something we don't wish to recognise. Suicide is no less of an issue, even when we pretend it doesn't exist.
A life is a valuable thing and although this blog may just be filled with cliches and one liners, they all are completely true. Suicide is incredibly difficult to talk about, there are no one liners. When it comes to death the typical lines we use such as "it gets better" are not exactly true. It is time for blunt honesty and perhaps we should stop trying to fool ourselves and others into thinking these things get better and go away. They don't. Suicide is horrible and when you take your own life you will be found by someone and that person will live the rest of their lives haunted with the image of your lifeless body. When you swallow those pills you leave behind masses of people who will be left shocked, hurt and lost without you. When you tie that rope you forget that you are going to be leaving behind a family, who for better or worse will always love you. When you take your own life you also take life out of others.
It is so easy to sit here and rant on about how selfish suicide is but that doesn't address the issues surrounding it. When a person kills themselves they don't exactly do it because they're selfish. They do it because they're convinced they are worthless. When it comes to addressing suicide as an issue we should be reminding people that they are important without distorting reality for them. If people realise their self worth and their impact on the world then perhaps they will become less likely to go through with it. I sit here and I wonder what those moments before death is like. For some it may be beautiful and almost cinematic for others it may relieve them of great pain. Yet I cannot help but to think for those who take their own lives, that inside they've already died.
On Thursday morning I received news that one of my readers had killed himself. I can't express my sadness, my heart is broken and I could not imagine how his family is right now. I remain in shock to think that on Tuesday he messaged me to commend me on my writing and he even thanked me for it. He said just by writing I am making peoples lives easier and, Jake I sure do hope I made yours slightly better. You were so loved and if you could see what is being said about you now you would have never have done what you did. We were supposed to be catching up sometime, gosh we may have even have become good friends! There is nothing I can do to change what happened but like hell will I just be another person to stand by and say to your loved ones "It gets better" and say to others "it's such a shame". Because that is how these things happen. When we just stand by and let them.
To anyone out there considering suicide all I can say is please don't. You don't realise the damage such an event does to others, you don't realise how valuable you really are. When you make that choice it is you last choice. When you take that path you cannot turn back. You don't allow yourself to finish your journey in life or even change it. It's just not worth it. For those who are seeking help for others I can only insist that you do what ever you can do to wake them up. Depression is like a deep sleep, their reality is like a bad dream and they cannot see the world around them. Wake them up, just even if they only get a glimpse and make sure they know they're apart of this world. Make sure they know suicide should never be an option. We all have our own demons and we are all fighting a battle. Life was never meant to be easy but we must remain proud of who we are. We must strive to live another day and make a positive impact on everyone. Even a short life can be monumental. Don't forget you're self worth.
This blog is written in memory of Jake Carpenter.
Jake, my advice to you was that a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. I'd like to think that I had managed to be more to you than just some stranger on the internet who writes blogs. I'd like to think I left a footprint in your life, I'd like to think I made a difference. You sure as hell have left a mark on me and I wish I could thank you. I hope where ever you are right now you're happy, I hope the pain has been taken away. Until next time, friend.
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