Being gay and being in a political party ensures me that there is one constant trend in my life. That is that I will always have "friends" who are really enemies. Frenemies is a term for those who despite your serious disgust in knowing them you have no choice but to be their friend, well you have to at least act like they're your friend. I have made sure of one thing in life and that is when I die I will have people willing to dance on my grave. Why? Because if I have gone through life without upsetting a single person or without gaining a 'hater' it means I have done nothing substantial and I have made no impact on this world, good or bad. People will always hate you. You will be hated for your looks, personality, actions and sometimes just for who or what you know. You can be hated out of jealousy or you might be hated because you're a shitty person. Regardless it is always likely that even in adult life you will experience schoolyard hate.
Recently my list of enemies has jumped from few to many and my burn book is reaching capacity. I have always been known to hold grudges, be passively aggressive and I find myself often being far from a forgiving person. Yet in the past I have tried to make changes to these traits and in result I found I was getting used and hurt far more. I asked myself why? It became clear as more friends turned into enemies. As you can forgive a bad friend for doing something once, that is fair but the more you forgive them the more likely they will abuse the niceness in you. Sometimes we have to accept some people are just bad people. Before any of you out there (and I know my enemies read this too) start to point their finger at me and say "you are a bad person" I want to be the first to say that...
I am not perfect. I make mistakes and I have done bad things. I regret them and I am truly sorry for the harm I have caused.
It is rare that I would ever go out of my way to upset my friends, although I can't say the same for my enemies. When I do upset my friends it is because I have either become blindly selfish, I have misread the situation or they are simply just no longer my friend. I truly believe friends should and do fight with each other and when they do it should easily be resolved. Yet for some of my previous friends I do not want things resolved as they do not deserve my pity or my forgiveness.
They say from ages 16 until 25 you will experience a lot of temporary people. This is completely true. Most of all, if you're a gay man you will spend time in the scene, which is filled with less temporary people but more enemies. My two gay friends, potentially at the time my best friends have easily turned into my enemies and hopefully this is known to them. This all happened over a series of events regarding nothing more than our love lives. In the end the bitchiness and two faced attitudes all became too much for me and I told them both to please, go away.
In this cases hate was a result of jealousy and it was jealousy from all sides. Some were jealous of who the others were dating, some were jealous over who the others liked and some weren't really jealous at all, only bitter. For these friends all I can say is that I loved them and I listened to them bitch about each other and their problems, I gave them advice and I tried to do the best for them. Yet to have it thrown back in my face and worse of all for them to use a sensitive tool such as my ex boyfriend to hurt me is beyond forgivable. They can all be friends with each other because nothing inspires me more than knowing I have a group of haters who have nothing on me. My hands are sparkling clean compared to yours.
Yes I have many frenemies. I have lots in politics but potentially more in the gay scene. The two after all are almost identical. Both are filled with two faced people, both have liars and untrustworthy 'friends'. In both people will try to burn you out and stomp you down. They're equally as incestuous and to keep afloat you must not only play the game but play it better than the rest. So I say this with a bitter taste still in my mouth, one day I will be rich and I will name every car I own after my haters because in the future it will be me taking you for a ride. Be proud of being hated, it means you're doing something right.
Finally this last piece is for someone who was not the perfect friend but a good one who I wronged. I wrote you a letter when you went away and despite the wrongs we have done against each other I want you to know I still mean every word I wrote. I am sorry.
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